How far wil you go? You have joined the Personal Growth Community, you have a better life, a better body, a better lifestyle, a more beautiful girlfriend, you earn more, everything you want seems to get closer. With every goal and accomplishment you experience a high level of feeling good. But after a while, it seems normal and new goals are already on the horizon.
Still after all this work and living close to your dreams you feel that you don’t lead a fulfilling life. You feel that something is missing, you are trying to fill that gap by solving your problems and reaching your goals and accomplishing your dreams.
What if I tell you that this way you will never live a fulfilling life? And that the answer to living one is easier than you thought. In this article I will try to give you a way to live a fulfilling life.
“You have everything you need for complete peace and total happiness right now.”
― Wayne W. Dyer
You are not alone!
Before I start giving you tips to live a fulfilling life I want to tell you, you are not alone, a lot of people like me and you feel that something is missing. A black hole that sucks out all the happiness. I had this too, I was always chasing high’s, trying to to take risks to feel alive, reaching goals and chasing accomplishment.
I was always thinking to myself “I’m doing all this to work on myself, I’m reading books, watching videos, meditation, … still I feel not happy and fulfilled. Why is this?”
The answer to this questions lies closer then you think
Tips to Live fulfilling Life
1) SLOW DOWN!
We want to do as much as we can in our limited amount of time that we have each day. It is so high valued in our capitalistic society that some people even sacrifice sleep for being more productive. Think about the 4h of sleep myth that Casey Neistat started, and although it may be possible for some people it is definitely not possible for everyone.
But what do I really mean with slowing down? Stop doing so much and take time for yourself. Literally take some stuff off your plate and slow down.
How do you slow down?
1 – Do less:
The chance is that when you are reading this, you are practicing self help or personal growth. And that you are doing so much that you are becoming overwhelmed. A practical tip for you would be to make a stop doing list.
Write everything down that you don’t need to do in life. This may mean seeing less people, doing less things like watching TV or browsing Facebook…
2 – Stop searching for distraction:
We are always trying to seek distraction, we can’t stand being alone and bored. We always need to be distracted. That’s why we are always mindlessly scrolling Facebook or instagram. I challenge you to stop doing this, I challenge you to be bored and not distracted.
A funny example would be to not take your phone with you on the toilet. And literally just allow yourself be and sh*t.
A practical solution however would be to give yourself daily 15 – 30 minutes / weekly 2-5 hours of doing nothing. You are allowed to sit and to let your mind go, where it wants to go. (This is not the same as meditation we will come back on the later
3 – Take some time for yourself:
Every day you should give yourself some to think, some time to set up your goals, to become in touch with your body and intuition. I strong advice to do the exercise on point 3.
2) Being & Presence
1 – Being:
Being is probably one of the best gifts of life, it is something essential. It is something from our Limbic Cortex in our brain. (The primal brain which is 400 million years old) It’s where we can feel intuition and feel connected to the rest of the world.
Many people lost connection to this, they got to depend on their Neocortex (Matrix sh*t) it is the new brain and compared to the old brain still a small child who is exploring the world.
In our world we depend most of the time on our new brain to make important decisions. Like what we are going to eat in the evening or what we should text to that girl we like.
But it is important that we connect again with our old brain, because this one earned his wisdom by evolving over the millions of years that it has existed.
2 – Meditation
To go further on being, meditation and mindfulness are key exercises to practice for living a fulfilling life.
Meditation; It is too broad to explain, and I will make a post about both the benefits and how you do it. More on this later.
3 – Get into Nature
There is something special about nature, something that gets us connected to the environment around us. Maybe it is out primal brain that still feels very connected to this. Maybe it is the spirit of mother nature that attracts us, who knows?
Whatever it is, nature brings you to rest, and is very beautiful to see.
Appreciation is very important to practice happiness & fulfillment. It is something you do daily, weekly to make yourself see all the good things you have and to appreciate them all. Here you will find a few techniques to practice appreciation.
1 – The Brushing Technique:
Every evening you need to brush your teeth, you can practice appreciation while brushing your teeth, how? When you brush your teeth you look for 3 (or more) things that went well or things that you are grateful for.
2 – Journaling
If you are already fimiliar with journaling, then you know that we tend to forget practicing journaling when we are happy. It is important to journal at these moments too. I challenge you to write 2 things everyday that you are grateful for or that you really liked.
It can be that you stood up for yourself that day, or that a man had a cool costume that you liked. Whatever it is write it down.
3 – LOOK FOR HAPPINESS!
This is an important mindset change to live a fulfilling life . Really, we are fed with negative news every day, we see negativity in the new, in our schools, everywhere. Okay, before I start making this a rant I want to tell you that this one is easy.
Literally all you need to do is to say to yourself “Look for happiness”.
Suddenly you will see people smiling, couples kissing (although this can get too far sometimes), you really change your filter to happiness. Instead of negativity, and you will literally be happy because other people are happiness. It is contagious, believe me.
4) An important question?
I have the feeling that this post is more becoming a living a happy life instead of living fulfilling life, but I promise that this is the last one.
Pleasure or Happiness?
The Dalai Lama says in his book ‘The Art of Happiness‘ “Our main purpose in life is to seek happiness. Though pleasure and happiness are clearly separate, it appears we can get these two confused from time to time. The idea of pleasure in our lives is fairly easy to conjure up; the embrace of a loved one, a sunny Saturday afternoon, a beach vacation, a bowl of ice cream, the thrill of buying a new car or house, sex, getting a promotion! The idea of happiness in our lives… a little more complicated… Love, affection, closeness, compassion, and gratitude.”
We will go deeper on everything he says in “The Art of Happiness” but for now we will keep it with the question. The question you always have to ask yourself is “Do I do/want this because of pleasure or happiness?” if your answer is pleasure then you shouldn’t do it.
Pleasure is a temporary high, although it is a much bigger high than happiness it is doomed to fade. Keeping pleasure is temporally pursuit and will never be fulfilled. Try it, chase it forever. It also has a much bigger down. You could compare the state to a mountain (your high) and the deepest point of the ocean (your low). It is not stable
This does not mean that you are not allowed to feel it. It is just that you should not chase pleasure. Because it will always go away.
Happiness is a far more stable high, it also doesn’t require you to buy big houses, spend much money, f*ck the hottest girls / guys. It requires to practice Love, affection, closeness, compassion, and gratitude all of these things. But we will go a lot deeper on the topic of happiness in an other article. (I will link it here when it is ready)
5) A Spiritual Approach
I got to be honest I’m still very new to this topic and I’m still trying to dive deep into this. Although I can tell from experience that there are few things that will make you live a fulfilled life, and it will really fulfill you for a long time.
1 – Ego Death
Your ego is the primary cause of not feeling fulfilled. It always keeps your mind fixed on what you don’t have, and it compares you to the rest of the world. Right now I have only succeeded kill my ego temporary.
How you can kill your ego is by:
- Stopping to feed it, by chasing money, girls/guys, status…
- By letting go eveything that your ego is attached to. I killed my ego temporary when I deleted my Youtube channel.
“Thomas does this mean that I have to give away all of my money, divorce my wife and kill my business?”
I don’t think so, I think you can both kill your ego and keep your old stuff, how? I honestly have no idea yet. This is something I will have to figure out in the future. Atlough if you found a solution for this, feel free to share it in the comments!
2 – Enlighment
A full ego death is called enlightment, unfortunately I have not experience this and I can also not give your any information on this. Again I will leave you with a video from actualized.org
3 – Letting go of your Negative Belief
This I can say that I have experienced many times before and I don’t really know how enlightenment feels. But I feel that this is definitely enlightning. You will feel a sense of relief and once you do this you will live a fulfilling life. This actually helped me overcome my addiction. I’m also still studying this, but I can explain you the basics and give your an exercise.
I see you thinking “This sounds cool, and how do I do this?”
Let me first explain your what your negative belief is: You negative belief is a big f*ucking illusion. You created your negative belief to protect yourself from the world around you?
“Wait Thomas I didn’t do anything? And it protected me, why do I feel sad and unhappy then?”
Wait a second I will explain!
When you were born you were in a ‘paradise state’ everything was new, exciting, you didn’t have rules to live by and you were free to explore the world. You felt complete and very happy. You lost this, why? Because along the way of growing up you got rejected. You got rejected by your parents, loved ones, teachers… and you needed to create something that protected you from all these rejections.
You created your negative belief, what did this negative belief do? You basically rejected yourself, if you rejected yourself then nobody else could reject you. I know that sounds stupid right, not even stupid this sounds like the actions of desperate person. Still you did it, believe me many people did this.
How do you let go of your negative belief and live a fulfilling life?
I will give you an exercise:
First of all you have to find out what your negative belief is. This you can find by paying close attention to your thought patterns, by journaling and by seeing how your mind rejects yourself.
- “I’m worthless.”
- “I’m dumb.”
- “I’m alone.”
After you have done that you can do the exercise to let go of your negative belief. Before you start the exercise you have to go and stand in front of a mirror. Make shure you are alone in the room, so that nobody could interrupt you.
What you have to do is: you have to say your negative belief out loud to yourself.
“Wait I’m not going to say that I’m stupid to myself, that is stupid.”
Well it may sound stupid, but I really recommend you to try it out before you judge it. Go and stand in front of the mirror, look yourself in the eyes and say your negative belief out loud. It is important that you say it in a non judgmental way.
Don’t just sit there, try it out.
When you do it right, you will feel a strange feeling, it almost feels surreal. Some will feel confused, some will feel surprised, some will feel happy, some will feel the need to cry. To give it a basic description, you will feel a strange feeling of that you are not incomplete, you will feel complete.
You will actually feel that living a fulfilled life is possible.
This is where I’m going to end this article, it has become a pretty long article and I know that there is still a lot of work on the topic of living a fulfilled life, therefore I promise that I will make another article about this in the future. For now this is it. If you have other solutions or questions feel free to drop them in the comments.
Have a beautiful day!
1) A fulfilling life is closer than your think
2) Slow down
3) Practice being and presence
4) Practice appreciation
5) Pleasure or Happiness
6) Try the spiritual approach