We’ve all had this feeling before, admit it. You see a beautiful girl at the bar or in the grocery store but you’re too scared to go up to her. Approach anxiety is something we all go through from time to time.
What if I told you that this feeling is all in your head? Let me explain.
Fear of Rejection
Lots and lots of men fear rejection. It’s probably the most well-known reason for approach anxiety there is. While lots and lots of men know they have a huge fear of rejection, no one actually knows how to cure it.
Now psychologically speaking, fear of rejection is just the same as any other fear.
Whether it is a fear of spiders, fear of heights or the fear of your mom walking in on you having sex with a girl. The solution, however, is surprisingly similar too: Overexposure.
Psychology calls this “Flooding” or “Desensitization” which is, in human terms, the act of diminishing one’s emotional response to a certain kind of fear. So in fact approaching a lot will help you overcome this fear.
“JUST DO IT!”
– Shia Labeouf
The First Leap of Faith
Now I know this is easier said than done. Luckily, I have some tips for you on how to finally get over your anxiety and approach that first girl. The first tips are short term solutions but after this we’ll talk about long term mindset changes to help you overcome your fear FOREVER.
1. Power Posing
This is something you do before going out. Lots of actors do this before they go on stage too. It’s a temporary confidence boost you can use as leverage to go and approach that hottie at the bar.
All you need is a mirror. Go and stand in front of the mirror in a power post as show on the picture below. Look yourself straight in the eyes and smile while
doing this for an added effect. Do this for about two minutes and switch to another power pose. Once you’re done you should feel a lot better.
2. Know why you are attractive
I wrote a list of 10 things that make me an attractive man. You should do it too. Take at least 10 features about yourself. If you think that’s too many, how do you expect a girl to come up with attractive traits for yourself if you can’t even do it?
What is attractive? You might ask. Everything! As long as you truly believe it. Here is my list:
- I know what I want in life.
- I’m good with computers.
- I’m funny as fuck.
- I can make the most delicious cocktails on the planet.
- I go to the gym.
- I’m good at building fun in the club.
- I have a feeling for rhythm.
- I am an entrepreneur.
- I give the best cuddles in the world.
- I am improving myself every day.
Once you have the list, you should read these out loud every day when you wake up and before you go to sleep. This should be printed in your head at all times. You can even put some epic music in the background for added effect.
3. Get plenty of Vitamin C
I’m very susceptible to the cold winter days. During the darker days of the year I easily feel more unhappy. That’s why every morning I drink some lemon water with creatine (creatine for the gym gains). Lemons are high in Vitamin C, which has proven to boost your mood. Good mood means less overall anxiety, which is what we’re going for here.
Other foods that are high in Vitamin C (for juicing) include:
- Raw kale
- Raw spinach
- Brussels sprouts
- Raw broccoli
Long Term Mindset Change
While these things will definitely help you in the short run, nothing will really last in the long term. That’s why you should switch to some more permanent mindset changes. Let me give you a peak into my mindset when it comes to approaching women.
1. You’re not there because you want anything from her
What?! Pablo, it’s obvious that I want something from her! Why would I approach her in the first place then?
Hold your horses, imaginary reader. I will explain this to you.
When I go up to a woman, I’m not expecting anything from her. Why? Because you can’t expect her to do anything she doesn’t want to! There is only one thing in your hands: show her how awesome you are. I go up to a woman with only one goal in mind: show her who I am. It’s up to her to either fully accept me or to reject me.
If she chooses to reject me, that’s fine by me. I’d rather get rejected and save time that I can spend with women who actually do like me than I’d chase her for months coming to the conclusion she’s not interested in the slightest.
You should come from a mindset of giving. In other words, you’re there to provide her with good emotions while showing her who you are. She will respect you for that. If you both hit it off, you can make sweet sweet love to her later. 😉
2. You shouldn’t give a fuck about what other people think
People often tell me they’re scared because of what other people might think of them. Let me tell you something, by being scared you’re actually giving in to other people and giving them the power. While actually, you’re the master of your own life.
Does this mean people will not laugh at you or look strangely at you? HELL NO! But let me tell you something, it doesn’t really matter. Nobody actually cares about those people. If you think about it, they’re so bored and unable to make their own fun that they need others to make fun of. It’s sad but true. Knowing this, all you can do is be better than that. Zero fucks given.
The inevitable question
Okay. So you finally got the nerves to walk up to the girl. What are you going to say? If they had a FAQ Top 10 about Dating, the question “What do I say?” would be number one. No doubt.
The truth is, you can say ANYTHING!
If you don’t believe me, I’ve said and done the most ridiculous shit to start a conversation. I always give the example of “What is your favorite vegetable?”. It makes no sense, but it works. An opener has only one purpose: to open. Guess what, if you say something and she says something back, congratulations! You opened her.
Now there is a certain brain hack that you can use to come up with an opener 93.5% of the time. For the other 6.5%, please fall back to “Hi, my name is [your name].”
Now, the brain hack is to reduce lag time between you seeing the girl and you approaching the girl. I’m talking about less then three seconds here. Why? Because your brain needs three seconds to come up with an excuse not to approach.
Your brain doesn’t want you to make a fool of yourself. Knowing this, when you start walking up to her, your brain will use this to come up with something cool to say to her because again, your brain doesn’t want you to make a fool of yourself.
Approach anxiety is actually a pretty illogical thing. However, everyone has it from time to time. All you gotta do is take the leap of faith, don’t expect anything and know deep inside that you’re an awesome human being. You’re on your path to becoming the best version of yourself and it’s better to learn something than to take a girl home.
Adopting this mindset might seem counter-productive to you but in reality this is the mindset that will get you a lot more results. Remember to also take this mindset further than dating. It can be applied to many aspects of your life. Just keep rocking it. See you later!